Shocking changes at the top of the Big Board!
Hello again, everybody, I’m Lem Piker, and there’s been some shuffling at the top of the big board as we approach draft night. Barring an unexpected last-minute apocalyptic revelation, 4.0 is the final version of the Big Board. Who will go number 1 overall? Who should be avoided? Let’s dive right in!
A Change at the Top!
Yes, you read that right, the mighty Samson has tumbled down from the consensus #1 pick after he showed up drunk at the combine with a woman of ill-repute on his arm. Even worse, rumors are swirling that he has some sort of fatal flaw. Who is this mystery woman? What does she want from him? And what is this fatal flaw of his?
Too many unknowns. You just can’t take a risk on missing with the first overall pick. Sure, the Scatterbums still might take him #1 overall. His legendary strength might be too much to pass up. But there’s a reason this team is picking first. They continue to be the laughingstock of the Bible warrior league.
The New #1
So who’s the hero who sits atop the Piker Big Board today? You have to go with the safe pick. The man who’s never let down his leader. His name isn’t even that well-known. Which makes him all the more dangerous. Keep reading to find out.
Big Board 4.0
Drumroll…
#1 – Benaiah, son of Jehoiada (+1)
Height: 6’2”
Weight: 226
40 Time: 4.58
Resume: Held in greater honor than any of the 30 mighty men of King David; struck down a massive Egyptian and Moab’s mightiest warriors, commanded King Solomon’s armed forces.
Don’t let his slow 40-yard dash fool you. Benaiah demonstrates a lethal combination of hand speed and power. His fighting instincts are unmatched. In drills at the combine, he scored historically high marks with every weapon. His loyalty is impeccable.
He’s not the flashiest pick in this draft. But he’s the safest. You can’t go wrong with this mighty warrior.
#2 – Joshua, son of Nun (+1)
Height: 5’9”
Weight: 188
40 Time: 4.37
Resume: The right-hand man to Moses, a courageous spy, a great general who led the conquest of Canaan.
Joshua’s stealth is off the charts. And did you see that 40 time? Shocking! He vaulted up draft boards after that performance at the combine. But those aren’t even his best qualities. His courage and leadership make him a excellent choice for a team with a horde of outstanding fighters who need that great leader to give them direction. He’d be perfect for the Invaders at pick #2.
#3 – David, son of Jesse (+3)
Height: 6’0″
Weight: 208
40 Time: 4.39
Resume: The 2nd king of Israel, known for his fighting exploits, along with a few questionable moments to give one pause.
Why the 3-slot jump, you ask? Could the great Lem Piker be admitting that he was wrong about David? No way! I stand by my original ranking. But as new information is received, I have to be agile and adjust.
I’m sure my detractors will say that I’ve dropped Samson too far. But David’s performance at the combine demonstrated a rejuvenated leader, ready to embrace the opportunity in the Bible-warrior league. The second-fastest 40 time in the entire field should tell you that he’s back. And we know how deadly David is with projectiles from distance.
As for his past indiscretions, David has admitted his mistakes and moved on, unlike Samson. David would be a worthy pick at number 3, if the Slingers decide to go that route.
#4 – Samson, son of Manoah (-3)
Height: 6’7″
Weight: 359
40 Time: Unknown; Refused to run at the combine
Resume: A mighty Nazrite, who freed the Israelites from bondage at the hands of the Philistines
I know what you’re thinking. No way this massive fighter gets drafted outside the top three. And you’re probably right. But if one of those teams takes him (I’m looking at you, Scatterbums), they run the risk of a huge bust. Remember, the Big Board is my ranking and not my prediction of who each team will draft.
Samson’s physical attributes are astounding. Word has it he bench-pressed two women 95 times while laughing. The 2nd best bench-press at the combine (with actual weights) was only 37 reps. And Samson usually isn’t stupid—he can even be quite crafty. But his weakness for a pretty woman just might be his undoing. Going up against a team with female spies could be disastrous for whoever drafts Samson. However, if I’m the Jawbones picking at #4, and Samson does fall to that slot, I wouldn’t be able to pass on that upside.
#5 – Saul, son of Kish (no change)
Height: 6’8″
Weight: 235
40 Time: 4.59
Resume: The first king of Israel, who battled enemies on many fronts to unify the tribes of Israel
“Saul has killed his thousands, but David has killed his tens of thousands,” the women sang. So why did I have Saul ranked ahead of David before this final Big Board? Let’s not forget all that Saul accomplished before David came along. Plus, the strength! Saul is head and shoulders taller than David. Remember, it was David who was always on the run from Saul, not the other way around.
But taking into account David’s courage and leadership skills, it makes sense that the giant-slayer is ranked higher. But what about Saul? Does it make sense for him to stay at #5? There’s some question marks, but If he can learn to harness that rage, he’d be a great pick for the Spirits in this slot.
#6 – Shamgar, son of Anath (-2)
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown
40 Time: Unknown
Resume: Random judge who saved Israel from the Philistines
He was a no-show for the combine! All the buzz coming into draft season surrounded Shamgar. He was ranked as high as #2 on my Big Board 2.0. But his notable slide continues, dropping in my rankings from 4 to 6. There is just too little known about him. Some teams are beginning to question the reports of his exploits. One executive told me anonymously: “over 600 slain in one go without a real weapon? That’s just too crazy to be true if your name isn’t Samson.”
Not showing up at the combine appears to have been a strategic decision on Shamgar’s part. Was it a stroke of genius or a massive blunder? The Oxgoads are sitting at number six, being real quiet. I have a feeling they’re praying he falls to this slot so they can snatch him up. Shamgar could turn out to be the steal of the draft.
#7 – Joab, son of Zeruiah (+1)
Height: 6’1”
Weight: 224
40 Time: 4.59
Resume: Commander of King David’s armed forces
Wow! Did you see that moment at the combine where Joab and Benaiah bumped into each other? The staredown was epic!
I received warnings this week that Joab is angry about my Big Board, especially that I’d dare rank Benaiah higher. But facts are facts. I’m not going to change my rankings because of hidden threats. Joab, if you’re reading this, Benaiah sent me a letter. He’s got my back. So be happy I moved you up a slot and leave me alone.
Look, Joab’s skills are not in dispute. Anyone on this draft board has potential to be a major force. But a lot of Joab’s success is due to treachery and subterfuge. If you draft this man, you can be sure he will be loyal to you. But if you’re an opponent of his, don’t trust anything he says to you.
Who should draft this man? A team that needs a fixer. A team that has too many nice guys. Joab will turn that around for you in a hurry. But I fear such a team won’t take a chance on him. Instead, don’t be surprised if the Intimidators reach for Joab.
#8 – Gideon, son of Joash (+1)
Height: 5’11”
Weight: 188
40 Time: 4.71
Resume: One of the greatest judges of Israel—defeated an overwhelming force of Midianites with a tiny army
Why’d Gideon bother showing up at the combine? His stats were not worthy of a first round pick. He seemed unsure of himself at first. Then all of a sudden Tola son of Puah laughed at Gideon’s short arms, and it was on! Tola might have been a good judge who ruled for 23 years, but he was no match for an incensed Gideon. That incident likely pushed Tola down into the second round.
So what about those short arms? Will it knock Gideon out of the first round? Probably not, but it’s the reason I’ve got Joab ranked ahead of Gideon. You know how I hate short arms. But Gideon’s leadership skills and cunning battle planning would make him a good choice for the Fleecers.
#9 – Elijah the Tishbite, father unknown (-2)
Height: 5’7″
Weight: 145
40 Time: Unknown
Resume: The greatest of the prophets
Frankly, I think #9 might even be too high. Ability to call down fire from heaven? Really? He refused to demonstrate the skill at the combine. Said it would be wrong to test the Lord. So how do we know the stories are true? Even if he can pull it off, how do we know that he’d be willing to call on the Lord when the fire is necessary?
Don’t get me wrong. If he can really burn up 50 soldiers at a time, he’d be a devastating pick, perhaps even worthy of going #1 overall. But if not? What else has he got? Look at his measurables. This tiny man may be quick with a sword, but that’s not a unique skill at this level.
One positive—boy, can he run! When they tried to time him in the 40, he just kept running and running… word has it that when everyone else had left the combine, he was still out there running at a sprinter’s speed. So yeah, he has incredible endurance. But a first-round warrior needs the ability to attack, not just escape.
Rumor has it that the Fiery Chariots are interested in taking a flyer on Elijah. I’m skeptical.
#10 – Jehu, son of Jehoshaphat (new to Big Board)
Height: 6’0”
Weight: 193
40 Time: 4.68
Resume: A king of Israel who took down the house of Ahab and Jezebel
Relentless. Ruthless. Not afraid of a big-name opponent like Jezebel.
Jehu has slowly been generating more and more hype in draft circles. Late in the first round, he’d be a high-floor pick if you’re looking for an experienced leader who’s not afraid to make a tough decision. If you’re looking for a pure warrior type, then you might consider a judge like Othniel or Ehud, or another of David’s mighty men, like Abishai.
Dropped Out
Dropping out of the final Big Board was Ehud. I just got tired of all the hoopla over the fact that he’s left-handed. Sure, he’s smart and courageous and athletic. But the continual harping on his left hand bugged me. Most fighters at this level are proficient with either arm. Give it a rest, Ehud. At this point, I’d even go with Othniel before you.
Who are you taking #1? And who should have been in the top 10?
Let me know what I got wrong in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Just be careful not to offend Joab.
Leave a Reply