Speaking out
The Poet
From my youth I have suffered and been close to death;
I have borne your terrors and am in despair.
Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
You have taken from me friend and neighbor—
darkness is my closest friend.
What sort of man do you suppose had the temerity to compose such words and admit his desperate state of mind? A complete failure of a man with nothing to show for his life? A hopeless man who garnered no respect from his peers or his family? A modern-day man, not encumbered by masculine stereotypes?
Nope. This man was the personal advisor to the greatest king ever to rule an ancient land. This poet was lauded far and wide for his wisdom. He was blessed with a huge family of 14 sons and 3 daughters, all of whom joyously served in the choir he led. The king even commissioned them to produce triumphant music at the most important of state ceremonies.
The man’s name was Heman, a poet, musician, and statesman who served under King David. Read more about his chronic depression here: Heman’s story
Modern-day Example
To the casual observer, Jarek Tadla had everything a man could want. Success. Money. Physical achievements. Children. But no matter how hard he pushed, it was never enough. The shadow of depression enveloped him. He pushed harder. Achieved more. And felt less fulfilled. He became more exhausted, physically and spiritually. He had built his persona around the image of a tough leader who had all the answers. The stigma of admitting to a weaker side shamed him. Terrified him. Made him stay silent.
Jarek says that the worst part of battling depression was not sadness, but rather emptiness. That emptiness—that feeling of barely holding on—led him to contemplate taking his own life. Finally reaching his breaking point, he asked for help.
Jarek felt weak going to therapy for the first time, but now he realizes it was the strongest thing he’s ever done. Men and the stigma of devastating depression have been battling forever. Reaching out for help, admitting our weakness—goes against our masculine nature. But today, more men like Jarek are taking that step and are even willing to share their stories. Read more about his struggles here: Jarek Tadla’s Story.
Overcoming the Stigma
It’s interesting to compare these two cases. Both Heman and Jarek lost themselves in their careers. Both had loving families. Both received admiration from their communities. And yet, that wasn’t enough. As Heman said, darkness became their closest friend. Both had the darkest of thoughts haunt them.
Both Heman and Jarek found that expressing their despair could be therapeutic. In Jarek’s case, he received professional help and told his story in articles and on television. While Heman turned to God for comfort, Jarek turned to practices like mindfulness. The depression did not completely go away for either of them. But they found themselves better able to cope with it.
Inside the Numbers
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, over 6 million men suffer from depression each year, much of it undiagnosed. While men are diagnosed with depression at half the rate of women, they die by suicide 3 to 4 times as frequently. Instead of seeking help, men will mask their depression with behaviors such as overworking, substance abuse, and aggression.
The stigma for men is not as strong today. Reading stories of men who’ve fought through the darkness, it becomes apparent that all cases are unique. Some face chronic depression, like Jarek and Heman, while others are able to wade through to the other side. And not all techniques work the same for every man. But it is important to face the darkness rather than ignore it.
Biblical Case Studies
I’m grateful that depression has never haunted me personally. Have I been distraught over life’s difficult circumstances? Of course. But I’ve never known the type of despair Heman and Jarek faced. So I’m not qualified to tell others how to face their struggles. But I can share what I’ve learned by studying the destress of others. That’s why I wrote a series of posts about depressed men in the Bible, where I outline the root cause of their pain and how they addressed it. Maybe one of their stories could help you or someone you know.
Does the Bible acknowledge that men like Heman faced depression? Even some of its greatest heroes? You bet. Here are some such men (and one woman) and the primary reason behind their depression:
- Heman – The Most Chronically Depressed Man in the Bible (chronic depression)
- Job – The most destitute man in the Bible (severe loss)
- Elijah – Crash of the Desperate Prophet (fear, and a low valley of emotion after the highest of highs)
- Moses – The Bible’s Greatest Leader has a Meltdown (crushing weight of responsibility)
- Jeremiah – The Weepiest Prophet in the Bible Laments (loneliness and failed expectations)
- Naomi – The Bitter Widow (yes, one about a depressed woman – bitterness)