Somehow you’ve managed to get the whole clan gathered around the table at the same time. You say grace and everyone starts slapping food onto their plates. How they manage to do it with one hand on their devices and the other on the silverware is befuddling. You want to engage. Encourage a little family bonding. They’d rather take their food and run or keep scrolling.
“Johnny, how was your day?” you ask.
“Fine,” he says, without looking up.
Frustrated you wonder – how to get the phones down at the dinner table?
Ahead of the Curve
If parenting was graded on a curve, you’d already be doing well just for being present. According to fathers.com and the 2010 U.S. census, an estimated 33% of children live absent their biological father. Here’s some sobering statistics about fatherlessness:
- 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
- 71% of teenage pregnancies occur in fatherless homes.
- 85% of children with behavioral disorders meet this criteria.
- 90% of all homeless and runaway children grow up in such homes.
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
- 85% of all youth in prisons are from fatherless homes.
If you don’t believe that the nuclear family is the optimal environment for a child, then you don’t believe in science. That’s not to say that children can’t thrive in others scenarios. Many do. But the family unit is the best opportunity to shape the future for a youth. If you’re a single parent or a part-time parent, thank you for investing in your child’s life. You are radically altering these statistics.
I listed this information simply to emphasize the importance of family time. The goal of this post is simply to give you some ideas on how to make the dinner table fun without the devices running the asylum. How you get the crew to the table is up to you.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments. What has worked for you and your family?
Top 10 Ideas for dinner-table family bonding
Number 10!
Make phubbers pay – Instead of a swear jar, have a phub jar. Anytime someone’s caught on the phone during family time at the dinner table, they have to donate. Sorry, kids, it comes out of your allowance! (I’d suggest at a lower rate for kids, though)
Once the jar fills up, you can pay for a fun family outing somewhere. Suggestion from thekitchn.com.
Number 9!
Ask Questions – Standard questions like “what was the best/worst part of your day” or “what did you learn today” can be conversation starters some nights.
But these can get old. Think of at least one creative question to ask everyone beforehand. So much the better if it gets an eye-roll from a teenager. They might not admit it, but they’ll fondly remember these nights when they’re older.
Number 8!
Play Would you Rather – A pretty simple game – just ask everyone if they’d rather do/be A or B? And why? Here’s a starter pack of Would You Rather prompts.
Number 7!
More Advanced Conversational game – To take everyone’s mind off their devices and generate some laughs play “Who am I?” or “Finish the story.” One person prompts, and the person next to them guesses who they are or makes up the next part of the story. From thekitchn.com.
Number 6!
Selfie hot potato – This game was suggested by The Family Dinner Project website. Pick a sturdy phone for the game, set a timer on it (unknown amount of time to everyone at the table), and then start passing it around the table. Everyone takes a selfie with their food while make some sort of a goofy face. Whoever’s holding the phone when the timer goes off has to finish their pic, and it gets posted on social media with a caption by the owner of the phone.
Number 5!
Phone Lockbox – This one’s not as much fun. Power down the phones and put them all in a box on a shelf above the dinner table before you start eating. Or maybe before everyone even sits down. You decide. But parents, I’m looking at you too! It’s imperative to set the right example.
Note that this technique can stifle creative uses of phones that are good for family dynamics. For example, it could be used to settle a dispute by looking up a piece of trivia or discovering “how to” accomplish something. As the parent, you decide if/when a lockbox makes sense.
Number 4!
Set a schedule with a snappy name – You might want to start with one day a week so family dinner time doesn’t seem overbearing at first. Ask your kids to come up with a creative name for the device-free-family-bonding-dinner-night. Decide what night of the week works the best for your schedule, and stick to it.
If, over time, you can add more nights to the schedule, so much the better. If you schedule different activities for different device-free-family-bonding-dinner-nights, give them different names. How fun would these be?
- “Dinner’s ready! It’s Wednesday, so you know what that means! It’s stump-the-family-with-my-brilliance night!”
- “Dinner’s ready! Tonight’s Burning Bush Bonding night!”
Number 3!
Incorporate kids into the process – Quoting an idea from Children’s Lighthouse:
Depending on the age, incorporate your kids into your family dinner routine. Older kids can help with different parts of the cooking process. Younger kids may not be able to fully help, but they can help you come up with the menu for the week giving dinner ideas before you go shopping. By having them help with the menu, you are also more likely to get them to eat the dinners once your family sits down. During dinnertime, the creations of the young chefs will make for great discussions.
Number 2!
Stump the Family Game – Here’s a great idea from Coastal Bend Mom Collective – See who can stump the family with current events, scientific facts, family history, or something cool they learned in school. They might know the president’s name, but do they know the VP or their governor? Encourage them to research something on their phones before dinner so they have a better chance of winning. You and your kids will learn things, all while having fun and bonding as a family.
Drumroll… Number 1!
Dive into one of the Burning Bush Blogs for families, designed for just this purpose (dinner-table family time)! Each post covers a basic Bible story, while including engaging games and thoughtful questions that will appeal to all ages.
Example prompts from the 6-day David and Goliath study:
- When David brought food to his brothers, would they have enjoyed it if the food was what we are eating tonight?
- Dad: Pretend you are Goliath. Point across the table and roar at the Israelites to send their best fighter to challenge you. Losers becomes slaves.
- King Saul was the biggest man in the army. Why didn’t he fight Goliath himself?
- What does it mean to have courage? Can you be afraid and still have courage?
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