“Dear Daniel,” the email preview read. “Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately…”
Why did Outlook have to include the word unfortunately in its preview? I didn’t have to open the message to know it was a rejection. The literary agent had been so positive in our meeting. I thought I’d done everything right. I sent out the manuscript and the marketing plan within a few days. I carefully scoured the agency’s submission guidelines before sending it. Everything was in order. Everything except me, apparently.
What had ever made me think I could be a writer? Why had I wasted so much time and energy on this foolish pursuit? I didn’t want to bother opening the email to read the rest of the message, even though I knew I should.
Coping with Rejection
It should have been easier for me to deal with rejection than most people. As writers, we’re constantly told to expect it over and over again before we achieve success. So I had prepared myself for it mentally. Even so, I sat there for a while before reading the letter. It turned out to be a very nice letter, saying that the project had merit but wasn’t quite a fit for their agency.
Google AI’s suggestions
AI presents the following steps on how to cope with rejection:
Acknowledge it – Don’t take the rejection personally. There might be many reasons for it. In my case, it wasn’t the right fit for the agent.
Process your emotions – AI says to name your emotions and write about your feelings and what they might mean. Yeah, thanks, but I’m not going to go that far. 😛 But if it works for you, well, you do you.
Practice Mindfulness – Yeah, I’m not doing this one either. But similar to this, as a Christian, I did pray about handling the rejection properly.
Ask for feedback – This is a good idea to help soften the blow. I’d love to know if there was something particular in the query that was a red flag. But I’ve read that agents get so much email that they don’t have time to respond personally to these types of inquiries, so I decided against it in this case.
Find perspective – Try to see the rejection as an opportunity in disguise. I actually like this one. I would add to this that we can learn from the rejection and improve at whatever we are attempting to accomplish.
Don’t give up – I’ve written about this in another blog: How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome. In the Experience section of the blog, I mentioned how my favorite author was rejected 200 times. And most of us have heard similar stories of persistence, from heroes like Abraham Lincoln and Michael Jordan.
Good job, Google AI. I’d rate your answer an 7.5/10.
Congrats!
So I kept pushing forward. And less than a week later, I received an email from a publisher with the subject line containing the word Congrats! Turns out they want to publish a short story I’d submitted months earlier. I’m finally going to be a published author! More info to come when things are finalized, but this was very encouraging news.
Handling Specific Rejection Scenarios
Job Interview Fail
Have you ever been rejected for a job that you thought was in the bag? I have – definitely more stressful than a rejection from an agent. Dealing With Rejection After a Great Interview is an excellent resource for this scenario.
Romantic Rejection
I’m certainly not qualified to give out advice on this topic, but the blog 10 Tips When Dealing With Romantic Rejection provides practical thoughts on handling a situation that can be emotionally devastating.
Conclusion
Rejection isn’t fun. I hope I haven’t made it sound like it’s easy to “just get over it.” It isn’t easy. But there are practical steps and resources available to help.
In the writing community, rejections like the one I received are celebrated, in a way. They indicate that we’re pushing forward. Putting ourselves out there. It’s a necessary step in our journey to publication. In everyday life, however, it can be even harder.
Do you have a rejection story that you’d like to share? Or a technique for dealing with rejection? If so, add your comments below so we can grow together.
2 responses to “How to Cope with Rejection”
I like this post a great deal. I agree with your commentary on each AI suggestion also. I’ve been trying to write the perfect query to send to my dream agent. I don’t want to blow my one shot. But striving for that perfection has kept me from querying him – or anyone for that matter. I was recently given some advice to query a bunch of other agents who might not be my perfect fit. Perhaps rejections from my less-than-ideal agents would be easier to accept, and any feedback could give me confidence to finally query the agency with whom I want to work. Congrats on being accepted for publication with your short story.
Steve, I’d agree with the advice to query a bunch of other agents first. You’ll become more familiar and confident with the process. Also, just because an agent makes you an offer, it doesn’t mean you have to accept it right away. If you get a bite, you can write your dream agent, and mention that you have an offer of representation from another agent but would like to give them a chance to review your work (just make sure you have that query ready to send). Be honest with them and tell them you have x amount of time to get back to the other agent, and they will usually make you a priority. This is not a shady practice – it happens frequently in the industry.
Best of luck as you begin the querying journey.