Commander

We first meet Joshua as a young commander of Moses’ armed forces in the wilderness after the Exodus from Egypt. Attacked by the Amelekites, Joseph battles with his men in the valley below Moses, who lifts his hands in the air to intercession with God. As long as Moses’ hands are aloft, the battle goes well. When his arms tire, he gets men to hold them in place.

Later, he’s present with Moses when Moses angrily slams down the stone tablets with the 10 commandments. The noise of the people partying around the golden calf was so loud, that Joshua thought war had broken out in the camp. Our action-hero Joshua was ready for a fight.

Spy

One of 12 spies before the years of wandering, Joshua and the others were sent to scout out the promised land. Only Joshua and Caleb could see the wonders of the place God had chosen for them. The other 10, in spite of what they’d seen in Egypt and the Red Sea and with the Amelekites, were paralyzed with fear. The enemy seemed too daunting.

Joshua and Caleb became angry. They argued so vociferously with the other spies that the mob was about ready to stone them to shut them up. True warriors! And so it was that the Israelites were doomed to the wilderness for 40 years until the next generation arose.

He also had his failures, making treaties with peoples against God’s will, and failing to fully eradicated the pagan influences of the land. But Joshua always remained steadfast in his faith, encapsulated in his rousing statement to the people:

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!

The Moabites had joined forces with the Ammonites and the Amelekites to enslave the Israelites, their coalition led by the Eglon, the Moabite king. He ruled over them harshly for 18 years before Ehud came along.

Guarded closely, Ehud and his men brought their required tribute to Eglon. After making their payment, the men left, but Ehud returned alone, claiming to have a secret message to deliver. Unable to contain himself, Eglon sent his men away. Surely they would have searched Ehud first. But Ehud was left-handed. And nobody was left-handed in those days. So the small dagger strapped to right thigh went undetected.

“I have a message from God for you,” Ehud said. And he delivered the message, drawing the dagger across his body, plunging it deep into Eglon’s midsection. Rolls of fat from the hefty king enveloped the weapon. Leaving it behind, Ehud locked the doors behind him and escaped out the back windows.

Curiosity, and God’s messenger, had killed Eglon.

Don’t make him mad. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

The book of Judges devotes several chapters to the tragic yet heroic story of Samson. The Angel of the Lord told his parents that he would deliver his people from the bondage of the Philistines, but that he must be a Nazirite, following various special rules including never trimming his hair.

Samson’s gift was his almost super-human strength. In Judges 14, he kills a lion with his bare hands on his way to Gaza to marry a Philistine woman. At the feast, he presents a riddle to thirty Philistine men in a bet. They extort the woman into getting the answer out of him, and she betrays him. In a fit of anger, Samson kills thirty other Philistines in order to pay off the bet, and leaves the woman behind.

And now we have learned Samson’s fatal flaw. Women.

But before he met Delilah, Samson rained destruction on the Philistines like William Wallace against the forces of King Edward Longshanks. Like John McClain against a pack of terrorists. Like Rambo against… okay, you get the picture. Here’s a few of the insane stories:

• Tied together the tails of 50 pairs of foxes, lit them on fire, and turned them loose in the Philistines’ grain fields and olive groves.
• Slaughtered many Philistines after they killed his wife and family as revenge for the foxes.
• Killed a thousand men with the jawbone of a donkey after being tied up and turned over by his own countrymen.
• After spending a night in Gaza with a prostitute, escaped by ripping a fence out of the ground, posts and all.

After twenty years of leading his people, Samson met Delilah. And he fell for her big time. She begged him for the source of his strength. He lied to her, perhaps to test her. She failed the test, but he didn’t leave her.

Again she harassed him, crying that he’d lied to her. Women!

So he tested her again. And again she failed the test. Betrayed him with what she thought was his weakness. But he still didn’t leave her! I’m sure she was quite hot, but still…

Maybe he thought it didn’t matter. Perhaps he’d still be strong with short hair. So when she harangued him for a third time, he told her the secret. And while he slept, she cut off his seven long braids.

David

c. 1050-975BC – There’s so much more to David’s legacy of heroics than the Goliath story. But let’s begin there.

The Giant

Goliath had no chance. It wasn’t quite as bad as Indiana Jones pulling his pistol on the massive sword-twirling villain, but the concept is similar.

Day after day, with neither side willing to leave the safety of their hillside for to attack the enemy from the valley below, the stalemate continued. Each day, Goliath would make his way down and challenge the Israelites, hurling insults at them and their God. But nobody dared to take on the behemoth.

Along comes David, the youngest brother left behind to tend the sheep. Not to fight, but to bring food to his soldier-brothers. When he heard Goliath, he heeded God’s call. And he knew exactly what to do.

David’s approach broke the rules of pick-your-champion warfare. It was supposed to be your best against my best in a gladiator-style showdown. David refused the heavy armor and swords, while King Saul probably plotted a devious plan of how to deal with the enemy after the boy lost. Goliath, seeing David approach, roared with displeasure. He called David every name not in the book, threatening to tear his limbs off and feed him to the dogs. But was there a bit of fear there too, when he saw the boy with the sling? Goliath had but one projectile, and his spear toss missed David badly. The boy never had to get close. His first stone took the giant in the forehead, felling him. To make sure Goliath was gone, David used the giant’s own sword to slice off the head. That he had the strength to do so demonstrates how sharp the sword must have been.

Slingers played an important role in the armies of that day. With ammunition more plentiful than arrows, they could do plenty of damage, and throw the stones with surprising accuracy. Avoiding the hand-to-hand combat was a brilliant maneuver on David’s part, and more than plausible. Imagine the scene with him hoisting the severed head in the air while the Philistines ran and the Israelites roared!

King Saul Feud

King Saul used his new hero. David accompanied him on many a battle against the Philistines. But as they were returning home victorious, the woman who ran to greet them burst into song:

Saul has slain his thousands,
and David his tens of thousands!

From then on, David became enemy number one to Saul. In spite of David’s close friendship to Saul’s son Jonathan, Saul would stop at nothing to eliminate the man anointed to replace him as king some day. Saul pursued David and his men into the wilderness of Israel, and the caves of En Gedi near the Dead Sea. Some wild stories about Saul’s plotting include:

• Offering his daughter to David in marraige, but first requiring that David kill hundreds of Philistines. The plan was for David to be killed, but it backfired when David returned with the enemies’ foreskins, and Saul had no choice but to make David his son-in-law.
• Sending men to kill David in his wife’s bed, but Saul’s daughter warned her husband away.
• Swearing safety for David to his son Jonathan, but then attempting to kill David with a spear when the lad thought he was safe.
• Following David to Ramah where the prophet Samuel and the spirit of the Lord somehow protected David.
• Interrogating the priests about David, and commanding Doeg the Edomite to strike them down when they refused to betray him. Why such anger by Saul? Doeg had been present when the priests had helped David with food and given him Goliath’s sword, and had reported the incident back to Saul, thus turning him against those priests.
• Colluding with the Ziphites to track David down in the wilderness. Twice, David had the drop on Saul and refused to take his life. Saul repented in the moment both times, but his heart never completely softened toward David.

Joining with the Enemy

While Saul remained alive, David managed to join up with the Philistines, winning the trust of their leader, although still distrusted by their soldiers. There’s some crazy stories in 2 Samuel about his alliance with them and his battles against the Amelekites, who raided their camp when the men were away and hauled away their possessions and their wives. David and his men chased them for days, leaving behind many soldiers too exhausted to continue the pursuit, before finally catching the Amelekites and freeing their women.

David’s Legacy

David was a complex man. He failed God in many ways. Adultery, murder, and rebellious sons are all a part of his legacy. But he’s also known for his heart; the author of many Psalms, David was a man who never turned his soul away from the Lord.

David became king after Saul’s demise, but God wouldn’t let him build the temple because he was known as a man of war. God’s permanent home was meant to be a reminder of peace and prosperity for those who follow Him. David tops the list of biblical action heroes to occupy its Mt. Rushmore.

Honorable Mention

Benaiah – Known for killing a lion on a snowy day, Benaiah was a loyal protector of King David and King Solomon. He also killed two fierce Moabite fighters as well as an Egyptian giant by snatching his spear and killing him with his own weapon. A case could be made for Benaiah on the Mountain instead of Joshua or Ehud.

Gideon – Led a tiny army of 300 to a stunning night victory over the overbearing Midianites.

Deborah and Barak – Barak is described in the New Testament as a great man of faith who conquered kingdoms. The war that is described in Judges is against the Canaanites, led by Sisero. The judge leading Israel at the time was the only female judge ever mentioned, Deborah. Barak refused to take on Sisero without Deborah present, and she agreed. Together, their armies sent the Canaanites running, and Sisero was eventually killed by another woman, Jael, who drove a tent stake through his head while he slept.

Game of Thrones Dishonorable Mention – Joab…

Joab has all the markings of a memorable action hero. Cunning, unafraid, a leader of men, fighting prowess. So why am I using the word dishonorable? I suppose it’s a matter of opinion, but he too often took matters into his own, bloody hands.

Joab was fiercely loyal to King David. He was David’s fixer, often doing the dirty work that David said he didn’t want to happen, but Joab figured needed to be done. Some examples:

• After David had met peacefully with Abner, the commander of the forces in the north, in an attempt to unify the kingdom, Joab deceitfully met with Abner on his own and killed him.
• Facilitated the infamous Bathsheba affair’s cover-up, sending her husband Uriah to the hottest battlefield.
• Arranged a pardon of David’s rebellious son Absalom after he avenged his sister Tamar’s attacker without David’s permission.
• When Absalom still led a revolt, Joab killed David’s son. The apparent rare political misstep resulted in his demotion.
• Soon Joab was up to his old tricks, taking out his replacement Amasa under the guise of a peaceful meeting, and leading the men in a successful battle to regain his old position.

Joab certainly had his heroic moments too. Shortly after Saul died and David became king, Joab led a team of commandos on a raid up a water shaft into the heart of Jerusalem to overthrow the Jebusites. Early that day, the Jebusites had been mocking David and his efforts to penetrate their defenses.

On his deathbed, David expressed his distrust of the man he’d leaned on for so long, expressing to Solomon his concerns about Joab. So Solomon chose Benaiah as his right-hand man, who eventually had to execute the treacherous Joab.